Dominicans changing behaviour when they move overseas is very common. Here are some of the reasons.
In most cases if a Dominican marries a foreign woman and goes to live in her country, it will be the first time he has been out of the DR. All he will know about his new country is what he has seen on the television, or talking to people who have been there (who always talk about the good!) The culture shock can be massive, not just the way things are done, but maybe the cold, missing family and friends, language barriers, different food, different everything. Some Dominicans will step up to the plate and embrace their new country, for others it is much harder, but understanding how they feel and trying to make them feel at home can help. Think of how many expats live in the DR and end up going home as they dislike too many things about the place. And what Dominicans consider normal, such as lack of electricity, expats will dislike. It works the other way around too, in that what you think is normal, they will not like. You should anticipate a period of adjustment.
Foreign women are used to coping with stress, as life is stressful in the developed world and people just get used to it. Long journeys to work, long working hours, maybe working two jobs or more, money issues – especially when saving all of the time to visit the DR. Rules and regulations which you just take for granted. One of the great things about the DR is the lack of stress. Few time pressures, lots of laughs, no appointments to go and see people as you just call in, drinking at the colmado. Imagine how a Dominican man feels when he experiences stress for the first time. It is a feeling which he is not used to. I remember my husband once asking me, when he was working very hard, that he felt strange and was that ‘estress’. And if the stress is ongoing, which it usually is, then the discomfort and unhappiness he feels builds. Many will miss feeling happy and relaxed and this can lead to frustration.
Many Dominican men have temper issues – although you may rarely see them. When they feel under stress, or cornered, they become angry. This is usually verbal but unfortunately can sometimes become physical. I think it is simply because they are not used to communicating and it is the only way they have learned to express how frustrated they feel. This is by no means condoning it, just that by understanding you can help to avoid these situations. Dominican men will become like a cat, cornered by a dog and hiss and spit. Afterwards they forget about it, but many relationships fail due to the woman not appreciating the stress their man is under, as for them stress is a way of life and they know how to cope with it. All they see is the man they married disappearing, and being replaced by someone who is sullen, uncommunicative and with outbursts of temper.
Matilda